It’s pride! I’ve been out to myself as bisexual since I was eleven years old. I came out to my mom when I was seventeen. I am now twenty. And over the years, I’ve heard my fair share of biphobic comments; online and in person. The sad thing is a lot of the time, the person doesn’t necessarily know they’re being biphobic. Don’t be afraid to call them out on it. So here is a list I compiled of things us bisexuals are tired of hearing. You can’t imagine how tired we are.
“Bi means only cis men and women.”
Bisexuality has always been defined as the attraction to anyone. Read the Bisexual Manifesto please. “Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.”
“You’re just pansexual.”
Bisexuals and pansexuals are both attracted to all genders. Use whatever label makes you feel more comfortable. But don’t try to tell us that we’re not attracted to non-binary people and that if we are we are suddenly pansexual.
“Pick a side.”
The sole purpose of having the label “bisexual” is so we don’t have to chose a side because we can’t.
“So do you date both at once?”
Bisexuality and polyamory are two different things. You can be bisexual and polyamorous but its not a requirement of bisexuality. I am bi and monogamous.
“It’s just a phase.”
I’ve been out to myself since I was eleven. And I’ve been subconsciously aware of my attractions since I was a little kid. I and every other lifelong bisexual are pretty sure it’s not a phase.
“You must be confused.”
Yeah, I’m confused about why you think I’m confused. I don’t accuse straight people of being confused so you should give me the same respect. Thank you.
“You’re just gay/lesbian but afraid to come out.”
Some people use bisexuality as a halfway point in their coming out process but it’s definitely not a large number. Not to mention that if they’re not fully out, this is a wildly insensitive thing to say. And you shouldn’t just assume you know someone’s sexuality better than they do.
“You’re just straight and saying you’re bi for attention.”
Again, some people might do this but it is not representative of the bisexual community. Please realize there’s a difference between the two of us.
“Bisexuals are more likely to cheat.”
There’s actually no proof that bisexuals are more likely to cheat. Anyone of any sexuality can cheat on their partner. A cheater is more likely to cheat. Lesbians think you’ll leave them for a man. And men think they have to be cautious of everybody trying to take their girl.
“So you’ll have a threesome with me?”
There’s nothing wrong with threesomes but don’t assume that just because someone is bi that they want one. Just like not every straight person wants a threesome either.
“That’s hot. Can I watch?”
You’ve gotta realize how GROSS this sounds when it leaves your mouth. You’re gross.
“Don’t try anything on me.”
I’m bisexual not a sexual predator… Trust me, I don’t want to try anything on you.
“You don’t look bisexual.”
Oh I’m sorry, give me a second… *cuffs jeans* *puts a clear case on phone* *gets a bob haircut* *tucks in shirt*. All jokes aside, bisexuals don’t have one look. We are young, old, poc, white, men, women, non-binary, and we are all tired.
“I can change your mind.”
I don’t understand this one. I’ve heard it before and it cracks me up. There’s no need to change my mind. I’m able to be attracted to any gender so it doesn’t matter who you are. You don’t have to convince me of anything.
“You’re being greedy.”
There’s a difference between being attracted to multiple people at once and dating multiple people at once. I am not greedy for being attracted to multiple people of different genders just like a straight girl wouldn’t be greedy for being attracted to multiple guys.
“You’ve never been with the opposite sex so how do you know you’r’e bi?”
What about the people who have never been with someone but know they’re straight? I bet you’re not asking them the same question.
“But you’re with a man. So you’re straight now.”
My boyfriend is straight but just because we’re in a relationship doesn’t mean he doesn’t still find women attractive. Just like how I am bisexual and in a relationship, it doesn’t mean I don’t find anyone attractive.
“You’re not oppressed for being bi because you have straight passing privilege.”
Let’s not play the oppression olympics. Lesbians and gay men have always been marginalized for their sexual orientations and everyone knows that. But did you know that bisexual women have an increased risk of intimate partner violence? Or that approximately 40 percent of bisexual people have considered or attempted suicide. We don’t want oppression points, we just want everyone to know that as bisexuals, we have our own set of real and unique problems and we don’t want those brushed off.
“I think everyone is bisexual.”
I know that people are trying to sound like woque™ allies when they say this but it’s really invalidating. Would you say that to a gay person’s face? No? Then don’t say it to me.
“Non-binary people can’t be bi.”
I don’t have much to say to this. You just sound dumb if you say this. Of course a non-binary person can identify as bisexual.
In conclusion, it doesn’t take an intellectual to get that I’m bisexual.