I Am Twenty-Four
Happy birthday to me.
I am not afraid of getting older. In fact, I think it is quite exciting. The prospect of having a life well-lived to look back on. However, every year since my 21st birthday, I have had this growing feeling of uneasiness.
My older brother passed away when he was twenty-one. I was sixteen. I know. I talk about it a lot. But the effects of it have permeated every part of my life since.
Turning twenty-one was difficult. The realization that I was the same age that my older brother was at his oldest. Twenty-two was the hardest. Officially being older than my older brother hit me like a ton of bricks.
Now I am twenty-four. I am feeling indifferent. It has taken me a long time to get to this place where my birthday doesn’t feel like the world is ending and collapsing around me.
So this year I am celebrating and not letting the weird feelings hold me back. I am celebrating because I never thought I would live past sixteen and I am still here. I am celebrating all the years I have been given. And feeling thankful for the people I get to spend time with on it.
Happy birthday to me.
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